Instead of just candy canes, I sprinkled fresh dates in the party dish one year. Instead of a usual Christmas tree, I purchased a small Mediterranean pine. Instead of reading the Christmas story from the Bible with my grown children around me, I now read it alone. Sparkling apple cider has replaced wine at the Christmas meal. A few modest presents replace a bounty from Santa. Changes are occurring in how my family celebrates Christmas.
I respect my eldest daughter’s choice of Islam. I respect and love her husband, a Muslim man from Egypt. I am overjoyed with the birth of grandsons, Abdallah and Musa. How to have it all? How to keep my whole family gathered and nurtured on special days and also hold onto traditions I love for myself?
It is a slow and tender process for a family to consider each other’s values with deep love and respect and make changes, especially around religious traditions. My daughter feared that if Christmas was so big among us, it would eclipse Eid, an Islamic holy day that she and her husband were creating for their children. The story of Christ’s birth is not sacred for my grown children in the same way it is for me. Wine was never that important anyway… and, it isn’t that hard to reduce gift giving (since I can give gifts to my grandsons during the whole year). I've made new decisions with care. For me, the Mom and now Grandmom, the most important thing was for all of us to be together with joy and love.
This year, Katie, my younger daughter and I spent a whole day doing special Christmas outings in the city. I met with dear friends, enjoyed Christmas Eve at home with my nest of lights and crèche from Guatemala. I read the gospel story. All of us gathered on Christmas morning and trekked together to Monterrey, California for overnights in a hotel… bringing favorite foods to prepare.
Changes hurt and changes are good. I am grateful my family and I have come though this batch of changes and, hopefully, we are pretty well prepared for whatever comes next.
