Concern does not work. Care does!
The size of someone's problem can be so paralysing that we do not know what to do. We sometimes avoid contact in order to protect ourselves and because we carry a heavy burden. Our head and our heart then say at the same time 'I cannot cope with this' or ' I cannot do that as well'. Concern can cause us to keep our distance in order not to be touched.
We very often think we have to give an answer in order to help, that we have to offer a solution or an answer. We risk therefore to dictate what should be done, what should be taken into consideration, what is allowed, what not and what has to be done. All of this to give us the feeling that we were able to do 'something'.
Concern tends to over-convince the other
We do not realise enough that someone in need does not want an abundance of words, advise or suggestions. Our rhetoric often causes self-indulgence so that we feel good.
Someone in need wants attention, a good listener and does not want to be left alone. Just to be there means a lot. By being there and listening we create a breathing space so that the other can find his own words to correctly understand his problem, to undertake something or to keep going.
What is care?
Care helps to give birth to something the other is pregnant with. Care is like a midwife who is supportive and present when it gets hard, when we want to run away or when we are afraid of something we have to get through. She accompanies the other with patience and respect on a liberating and life-creating voyage. She helps to create an answer, a solution or insight that lives within, but at the same time needs to find its way out.
Basic care is to "be there," as much as possible.
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